In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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