You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
