dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
