you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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