Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
