I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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