I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
3pm strippers are depressing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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