Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
