'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
