I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize