i think i have herpe
just one?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
