I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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