Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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