i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we made out on top of his cat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
