At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
