I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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