I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize