Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
