i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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