As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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