I will die if light touches me.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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