I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
