I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
