im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
