sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
