Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
