Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize