I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
