so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
