so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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