I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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