So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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