if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
