are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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