Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
