I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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