I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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