they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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