sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
