btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
