Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
