Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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