Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
