i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
