I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
