they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
