Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
