So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
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