So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
