he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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