I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
