I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
