he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
