an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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