I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
