a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
