is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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