I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
