forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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