You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
