maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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