dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I need water and some morals
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
