That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
