I swear she didn't look like that last week.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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