grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
