just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
