I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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