how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize