i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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