just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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