I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
