so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
