Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
