Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
