I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
