it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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