operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
