I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
