You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
