im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
