You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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