I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In other news, I just burned my penis
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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