And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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