I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
