Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't turn off my feet"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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