if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
