A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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