What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this beer tastes like vomit already
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
