I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
