Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
