Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
