chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize