Cold hands, warm shart.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
