Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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